"Why Women Don’t Read the Comments — or Write Them, Either"

"It comes down to this general truth that almost any editor or community moderator will confirm: men will put themselves forward as experts or critics even when they aren’t, while women experts won’t put themselves forward at all, out of (justified) fear of seeming aggressive or bitchy. When women do venture an opinion, there’s a strong chance they’ll be swarmed by toxic responses... Sometimes I think that issue runs so deep that there’s nothing to do but restructure society from the bottom up. And it might be, you see, that the crux of the problem isn’t just about talking (or writing) but about listening."

http://flavorwire.com/497370/why-women-dont-read-the-comments-or-write-them-either/

Really fucking accurate.
For me, there just seems to be such a huge risk in speaking up in a hostile place where I might say something and then be wrong - or, not even wrong, just have written something that someone who presumes I will be wrong could point out any flaws in and thereby socially invalidate me. And that invalidation lets others be less respectful, probably in fun gendered way. And then maybe that will just reinforce everyone's presumptions about women - even if I was never wrong.

And there is so much to be said for the piece at the end about listening: it also feels subordinate to only be listening and not speaking, so there is just so much identity threat going on in hostile conversations. And really listening means really putting yourself aside for a moment and hearing not only the other person's words but their context. I think that a lot of people don't even know how to do that, and it's so tricky to do on the internet.

(credit to KM)