"Five years before actor Laverne Cox became a household name, five years before Miley Cyrus said, “I don’t relate to being boy or girl, and I don’t have to have my partner relate to boy or girl” and five years beforeCaitlyn Jenner would share her transition with the world, I came across the term “transgender” for the first time...
I have always felt like a walking brain, living in my head while everyone around me seemed to have some innate understanding of their bodies: how they moved, what they desired. As a young child, the only desire I had for my body was to grow a penis, but as soon as I hit puberty and came to an understanding that this would never happen, I gave up on the fantasy. I replaced those dreams with dreams of bigger breasts, thinking that if I somehow developed attributes that were deemed “womanly”, I would start to feel that way, too...
Realising that I could no longer live as a trans man was both terrifying and freeing. What next? What would people think? I had never seen anyone transition from a binary trans identity to a non-binary trans identity, so I had no point of reference. I was completely on my own, unaware of how my body or my brain would change post-testosterone.
On my first day off the hormones, I shaved just one of my legs. To me, this symbolised my confusion and made a statement about the current state of my gender identity: in flux...
I write an advice column for LGBTQA+ youth because I want young queer trans people to see me doing what I love and think, “Wow, someone like me exists and is surviving and thriving.” It is important to hold a mirror up to trans youth to show that being who you are and following your dreams are not mutually exclusive."
http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/aug/07/my-life-without-gender-strangers-are-desperate-to-know-what-genitalia-i-have
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