"Here’s the other thing: I want you to be decent human beings who think about others’ feelings. But I don’t want you to think too much about them, to the point where you’re consumed with other people’s happiness and not your own. The world is going to try to sell you the Good Woman as Martyr myth (just watch the commercials around Mother’s Day, or don’t)–how you’re supposed to be selfless and giving and lay down and let your children and men feed off your body and energy–but proceed carefully into that world of sacrifice...
You can surround yourself with the people you enjoy and who enjoy you. The people who make you feel good and worthy. The people who make you feel fascinating, worth listening to. The people who accept your eccentricities.
Let your freedom bewilder you. That is a better problem to have than ideological shackles, unhappy relationships, a case of the “shoulds” and “oughts.” Guilt, a friend once told me, is often unreleased anger. No, girls. Do not suffer people quietly or life bitterly in the name of goodness. Do not be gently unhappy for years at a time."
http://blog.pshares.org/index.php/letter-to-my-daughters-do-not-be-good/
Mm, gentle unhappiness.
Related: two beautiful essays on "Girl Pain"; "Three Months Without Breathing”
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