finish"How to Get Others to See You the Way You See Yourself"

"Judgment is inevitable, so we might as well work on being more judgeable, or more accurately judgeable, anyway. We might as well reinforce the way we want to be perceived. This pays dividends, she argues—in psychological health, happiness, personal and professional satisfaction, and sense of purpose. And this part of her piece rings true:

If people are seeing you the way you see yourself, then you aren’t getting all the unsettling, self-doubt-inducing feedback that the chronically misunderstood have to endure. Life is simply easier and more rewarding when people “get you,” and provide you with the opportunities and support that are a good fit for you.

Now here’s a question: How long does it take to get to this point, where people “get you”? Research suggests what you might expect—not that long, and also not necessarily ever.

In a study Halvorson cites, 400 college students described themselves and their roommates over time in an effort to determine how long it takes to for perception of self and other to line up. Mostly, it took about nine months for everyone’s understandings to line up, and still no one was getting a perfect perceptual match."

http://jezebel.com/how-to-get-others-to-see-you-the-way-you-see-yourself-1699263702?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

aaaah this.

I feel like there are some spaces where people do take each other at face value, where people are really seen as unique and understood purposefully. And then there are places where you are already pegged before you enter the room,