"the Clonazepam I got in the meantime worked wonders when I felt an impending panic attack. Clonazepam is generic for Klonipin, and I got nervous when I heard this lyric in an OK Go song: Play that song again, another couple Klonopin, a nod, a glance, a half-hearted bow. I didn’t want to take pills that other people sang about. I tried to go off the medication again, thinking that was the only way to be whole or natural or honest.
Whole and natural and honest ended up looking like terror. Long nights with no sleep at all and days where I was kept from functioning as I could when I took the pill. I asked all the questions:
- What was wrong with me?
- Why did I need this pill to function well?
- Am I the only person who feels so anxious all the time, so scared?
I am not, of course. Something like one of ten adults in America are on SSRIs. But the trick of anxiety — and depression — is that they make you feel alone...
if it helps you, don’t go off of it to prove to yourself that you are strong and capable. Strong and capable are not virtues that we need if they mean the absence of kindness, of love, of tenderness with yourself and others."
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