'Glow' Star Betty Gilpin: What It's Like to Have Pea-Sized Confidence With Watermelon-Sized Boobs"

"So in my 20s, I had to work doubly hard to disappear. The word "sorry" escaped my mouth a hundred times a day. I spent most of my time at parties trying to convince women that I hated myself, then had social hangovers about those conversations.

But then in the weirdest turn, I became an actor who auditioned to play women who say things like, "Does this look like mauve to you?!" Women who look in the mirror and see something beautiful. A nightmare for the terrified tiny person trapped beneath the blonde and boobs... 

Creators Liz Flahive and Carly Mensch commanded our set with a greater authority than any of the bro-gargoyles of yore, but with open arms, back rubs, and eye contact. This created the constant sense of: You are loved and celebrated—and now that you’re comfortable, please give us your goddamn guts and soul so we can make the best thing possible. Also, have this Philly cheesesteak for God's sake. Alison Brie taught me you don’t have to choose between being liked and having a voice. I watched the crew cry-laugh at her genius bit involving a jig, then suddenly snap to attention to answer questions I hadn’t thought we were allowed to ask. I followed Alison’s lead: If I didn’t understand the scene, I’d ask a question. If I didn’t feel comfortable with something, I’d raise my voice. Her bravery was contagious. And in a shocking twist, no one died."

https://www.glamour.com/story/glow-star-betty-gilpin-what-its-like-to-have-pea-sized-confidence-with-watermelon-sized-boobs?mbid=social_facebook_referral

FB: this essay makes me grin "I saw our power in other ways too. I won’t name names, but sometimes a TV set can be a shame-and-fear obstacle course for an actress. Ten points if the sexist-gargoyle producer tries to flirt with you after you’ve gone through hair and makeup, so you don’t disgust him. Don’t make eye contact with the Philly cheesesteaks they bring out for the crew. Laugh hard at the lead male actor’s improv, then be word-perfect for your line, “Oh, you boys!” Glow was the first set I’d been on run by women. It was a magical never-never land run by type-A amazons. I saw power and care together for the first time. Seeing women possess those two things simultaneously was a huge lesson for me."