"Why White People Freak Out When They're Called Out About Race"

""white fragility," which she defined in a 2011 journal article as “a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves. These moves include outward display of emotions such as anger, fear and guilt, and behaviors such as argumentation, silence and leaving the stress-inducing situation.”...

For white people, their identities rest on the idea of racism as about good or bad people, about moral or immoral singular acts, and if we’re good, moral people we can’t be racist – we don’t engage in those acts. This is one of the most effective adaptations of racism over time—that we can think of racism as only something that individuals either are or are not “doing.”...

If people of color went around showing the pain they feel in every moment that they feel it, they could be killed. It is dangerous. They cannot always share their outrage about the injustice of racism. White people can’t tolerate it. And we punish it severely—from job loss, to violence, to murder.

For them to take that risk and show us, that is a moment of trust. I say, bring it on, thank you."

http://www.alternet.org/culture/why-white-people-freak-out-when-theyre-called-out-about-race

This interview is wonderful.

I now have a label for so many frustrating situations, but also for the reason I hold my tongue or just avoid people when something really should be said. It's deeply unpleasant how often a person can be reasonable and listening and caring and kind and then the topic changes, and they are suddenly a totally different person and there is no way in. And then I have to take care of their feelings.

I would also love to have a conversation pulling apart what is also true about gender here, and what isn't, and why.

FB: "In my workshops, one of the things I like to ask white people is, “What are the rules for how people of color should give us feedback about our racism? What are the rules, where did you get them, and whom do they serve?” Usually those questions alone make the point."