"It’s less true for me now, but for the longest time it was the all-time favorite sad song in my rotation. The refrain goes like this: “The world is broken. Something is wrong with them. Something is wrong with me. Nothing can be done about it.”
“People I want as friends/boyfriends don’t want me” is the same kind of story, one that allows you to sulk instead of continuing to open your heart to yourself and others. This is your belief system: Your tragic ending is already written. People will always fail you, and you will always fail yourself, so what you really want is NO PEOPLE.
You need to start a new religion of loving people, all people, flaws and all. Start by forgiving yourself for being who you are. Are you really unlikable or are you just very different from the kinds of people you happen to love and chase (bubbly, outgoing, smooth)? Are you insecure, or are you just not as secure as the women who seem “better than” you (in your mind at least)? What if you just say this: I am a stunted motherfucker. This is where I am right now. I’m trying my best...
You don’t have to win people over. You don’t have to become confident, even. You just have to accept yourself for who you are right now. Stop expecting to “get better” and just be here. Needy and intense is not terrible. It only scares away certain kinds of people. Say what you want, and let other people say what they want. It’s a simple transaction, not a judgment."
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