"Everything I Am Afraid Might Happen If I Ask New Acquaintances to Get Coffee"

"They’ll say yes, but on the way to the coffee shop I’ll be abducted, and they won’t know so they’ll think I stood them up and be really angry at me, and also I’ll be abducted."
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/everything-i-am-afraid-might-happen-if-i-ask-new-acquaintances-to-get-coffee

These are so great and so real. #15 is an actual reason that I have not made plans to hang out with people - especially in the winter. Winter is a problem.

(credit to LS)