"Again and again, among the families I treat as a psychologist, I see a disconnect between the skill set that parents are pushing (compete like crazy, get good grades, over-prep for tests, go to a prestigious college, make lots of money) and the assets and attitudes that actually bring young people success in college, at work, in relationships, and in life. When I explain that teaching kids to overvalue external measures of success short-circuits their development as self-regulating individuals — the true foundation of a productive life — a shocking number of parents respond that you can’t undo bad grades and low test scores, but you can always catch up on the emotional stuff later — a tragic misapprehension. No matter what I say, no matter what research demonstrates clearly, I see parents who want the best for their children clinging to a damaging M.O., compelled by their own acute anxiety. Why?...
For many, life in the United States, consists of winners and losers. A zero sum game in which parents are working overtime to make certain that their children are among the winners. Unfortunately, by clinging to an outdated paradigm of what makes for success, parents continue to set up the circumstances for all those things that actually get in the way of success — anxiety, depression, a fixed mindset, exhaustion, extrinsic motivation and, perhaps most of all, the complete failure to accomplish the mandatory developmental tasks of childhood and adolescence...
No child has ever sat in my office and said his parents listen too much."
http://www.challengesuccess.org/blog/needle-isnt-moving/
I do want to avoid putting this just on parents; I also want to ask: where are we getting these messages? Why is there so little social safety net to prevent the country from dividing into haves and have-nots? Where is the media that presents other examples, other ways of living, the realities of finding success and defining success, the positive life-affirming ways to grow up and become full humans?
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